Life and Everything about it

Late nights lately

Its 2:56 am in the morning and I haven’t yet fallen asleep. Seems like there are many nights like these as of late. … 6th Open heart surgery in 15 days from today.

Worry. Anxiety. Loneliness. Fear of the pain. Jitters. Overthinking. Alone…One day at a time.

Am I normal?

If you seen me, crossed me, socialized with me, you would not know that I am not normal. I look completely normal. I am 5’10 and a half, stocky, I have all my hair, all my limbs and I am not ugly. I carry good conversation. I am engaging. I look normal. No one would even imagine that I am not. But I am alone. In many ways, its because I choose to be. I am not a “fraternity” type. I am not a “pack” person. I do not “tow any party line”. I hate clicks. I see the dishonnesty in people. I feel their energy many times, I just prefer to recluse and be alone, because I don’t “fit in” on the long term. I hate most people’s bullshit lives. I do not conform to authority. Authority to me is only another human being portaying an illusion of being more than others. For power? Greed? Ego? Fuck that! I still opt for honesty and being real, eventhough I lost sooooo many times.

What is normal?

Although I am stocky, I am still kind of athletic and can even come off as intimidating because of my build. I come off as normal. But I’m not..